


My Demons

by orphan_account



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Garrus-centric, Mildly Dubious Consent, Songfic, au where turians have a soul mate, but stays mostly canon, cause i'm dumb and cheesy, gosh i write a lot of romantic fic for an aromantic, some plot divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 14:26:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3940249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Was super inspired by this song I've listening to on repeat for the whole damn day.<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSvOTw8UH6s [My Demons by Starset]</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Demons

**Author's Note:**

> All lyrics are in italics. Lyrics/song (c) Starset and Garrus/Shepard/ME universe (c) EA & Bioware.

~ _Mayday! Mayday! The ship is slowly sinking. They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling!~_

When Garrus was younger he had always been told he'd find the one just for him. He was told there was someone out there just for him. He thought it was a load of garbage.

 

 

 

He was proven wrong years later when a fiery soldier came to the Citadel to investigate Saren. Garrus' heart dropped when he saw her, fire red hair, piercing emerald eyes, and a gaze that could level mountains. A human, Garrus' heart was designated to a human, a human named Shepard.

 **Fuck.**  

 

 

 

Garrus spent the afternoon moping about a number of things: his new found discovery, how his investigation into Saren being shut down, and how he would never see that fiery soldier again. Shepard was a human, not a turian anyway; his subharmonics rumbled sorrowfully as he buried his face in his hands.

Then he got a message from Dr Michel. 

 

 

 

When Garrus got the clinic he overhead some thugs talking about a quarian. Then his fiery-haired soldier bursts into the med bay, distracting the thug that's got a gun to Dr. Michel's head. Garrus takes the shot and a firefight breaks out. Afterward he gets scolded by the soldier for taking such a risky shot. Garrus, Spirits help him, blushes and he hopes Shepard cannot tell. But she invites him onto her ship! She asks him if he wants to hunt down Saren and he readily agrees. So long C-Sec.

 

 

 

The next step is to go save the quarian and Garrus admires how easily Shepard leads her team. She's calm, collected, fluid, and charismatic as hell. He feels a little useless but after they successfully have the quarian--Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, or Tali--on their side they head down to go take down fist. Oh how Garrus has wanted to take down this scumbag! The firefight is a bloodshed, the mercs have no chance in hell. It's exhilarating being in battle behind Shepard who makes combat look like a deadly dance.

His heart sings as he covers her six.

Spirits help him.

 

 

 

Her ship is gorgeous, a harmony of human and turian technology. He goes down to the lower floor where he works on the Mako. The thing looks like it's seen better days but not for long, not after Garrus fixed it up. Shepard comes down after a couple hours to check in on him and Garrus' heart sings with joy when he hears her approach.

"Settling in alright Garrus?"

"Uh, yea. Thank you for having me on board, Commander," he smiles and Shepard returns it, flashing two row of white teeth. Oh she was so beautiful, how could Garrus deny it? Yea, as a human she was small, soft, and squishy but hell she's a soldier. The only problem well...humans didn't have the same bonds that turians did.  Also, she was human!

"Of course Garrus. Also, you looked a little uncomfortable with the pistol back on the Citadel. I don't mean to assume things but you look more like a sniper," Shepard gave a smaller smile, one that tugged on the edges of her soft pink lips.

"Y-yea, I am but C-Sec isn't fond of that kind of stuff," Garrus was stammering like he was a younger turian trying to pick up a date. And then he was blushing, oh Spirits help.

"Understandable," Shepard nodded before moving her hands from behind her back--Garrus hadn't even noticed he was so lost in his own thoughts. "So I got you this," Shepard handed him a box, no distinct markings, just a box. Excitedly, Garrus took it. "I hope it's alright, I didn't know quite what to get." 

"Oh no this is wonderful! I haven't had a rifle in so long. The Avenger line is nice, not the best but it's a trustworthy rifle and it's got quite a punch too. Plus--oh sorry! I didn't mean to ramble there," Shepard let out a laugh and it sounded like the birds on Palaven and their beautiful morning songs. 

Spirits help him, she was so perfect.

She reached up to clap him on the shoulder, her emerald eyes sparkling and friendly. "You're one of my team now Garrus, we can't have you fumbling around with weapons you're uncomfortable. Also I see you've taken to my Mako."

"Yes, I uh, noticed it was in pretty bad shape I hope you don't mind!" Garrus shifted nervously, hoping the Commander wasn't mad. She just gave another small laugh and shook her head.

"Oh no! She deserves the love, I'm a shit driver. Speaking of, I think we should take her out for a spin and see how good you are with that beast of a rifle. We're still waiting on further orders."

 

 

 

"Alright Garrus, ready for this?" Shepard asked as she strode over to him. She was all suited up and had a soft smile on her face. The quarian, Tali, was trailing behind her looking a little curious about the situation. 

"Yes, ma'am!" He said, rifle slung over his shoulder. "Mako is good and ready to go."

Tali gave what looked like a smile to him, nodded, before climbing in the Mako. Shepard clapped him on the shoulder--what was with humans and physical contact?-- and nodded before climbing in the Mako.

 

 

 

Shepard hadn't been lying, she was an absolutely awful driver. Tali looked very concerned and Garrus was pretty sure his subharmonics were rumbling because of all the jostling.

"Alright we're here!" Shepard slams down on the breaks, lurching the crew forward. She's got this wide smile on her face and Garrus doesn't say anything, only bathes in the light of her smile.

The grounds of the shooting range is flat and Shepard has brought a little machine to spit out targets for her two newest comrades. First Garrus with his new rifle, then Tali with her pistol. Things were easy and comfortable under this planet's warm sun. He hadn't felt this at home somewhere alien, but Tali and Shepard were chatting happily as they shot target after target out of the tiny machine Shepard brought. Tali soon ducked out of the shooting saying she was more skilled with her tech abilities than her shooting. Shepard shrugged and asked if Garrus still wanted to train with his rifle and he agreed, happy to get the feel for his new gun.

Then Tali made a sound like laughter and suddenly the targets were coming faster. Garrus shifted his stance and hit every single one. The machine eventually stopped spitting out targets and Garrus lowered his rifle, rolled his shoulders, and looked over to his two comrades. Tali looked impressed, well as impressed as a quarian can look. But Shepard, her eyes were wide and the look about her was reverence, awe, and pride. The look she gave Garrus, and the smile that tugged at her pink lips make his heart feel like it was going to burst out of his chest place.

Spirits, help him.

 

 

 

Tali came to visit him a little later, obviously happy to see another alien face on board other than the krogan.

"Garrus right?" She asked, looking a little nervous. "I'm Tali."

"Yes, nice to meet you Tali," Garrus smiled and extended his hand to her.

"You're really an excellent shot, sorry about overloading the little machine though. Shepard thought it was a great idea..." Tali was shifting nervously and Garrus laughed.

"It was, are you trying to apologize?"

"A little. Keelah, that was so rude of me," Tali shook her head, obviously unimpressed with herself.

"Come on, don't be so hard on yourself, been a while since i had to focus that hard on something," Garrus said, doing his best to sound happy about the whole situation.

"Oh, well, thank you," Tali obviously wasn't prepared for this conversation to go this long and Garrus chimed in.

"How are you settling in? Finding the engine of enough interest?" 

"Oh yes! The ship is beautiful! Oh, the harmony of turian and human machinery is so wonderful! And..."

They stood, talking for hours about the Normandy, weapons, and their new commander. Garrus was so glad to have a friend. 

 

 

 

Garrus didn't regret for a moment leaving the Citadel. Hopping around space on the coattails of his bond mate was wonderful, even if Shepard was unaware to his feelings. It was more than enough to just be there to bathe in her presence and light. Also him and Tali had become quick friend.

Garrus and Wrex covered Shepard's six when they saved an asari doctor, her name Liara. They then start jumping through planets trying to hunt down Saren.

Then Virmire comes around.

They talk down Wrex, then they have to split into separate teams. Kaiden goes with Kirrahe, while Shepard takes Tali and Garrus with her.

Then Shepard has to chose.

He sees the pain on her face as she runs back for Ashley. He knows she feels guilty because of Kaiden's little crush on her. 

And when they lose Kaiden, Garrus knows by the look on Shepard's face she'll never stop blaming herself.

 

 

 

The crew mourns, Shepard is nowhere to be seen.

Garrus worries but while he cares deeply for Shepard it's a turian thing and the chances of her caring more than just the friendship they have is slim to nothing. 

His heart aches and he wishes to comfort his mate but there is nothing he can do.

Spirits guide him.

 

 

 

Garrus hardly has time to be pissed about being grounded before Shepard has found a way to break out and turn the ship toward Ilos.

Shepard sends a message to his omnitool telling him she needs him to come up to her private quarters.

He stands outside the commander's quarters feeling weary. He moves to knock but Shepard opens to door before his talons hit the metal.

"Glad you came, sorry if I interrupt anything important," Garrus is stunned silent though, she's in what is definitely not civvies or armour. Suddenly her face turns a crimson and she looks...awkward. "Oh, should I have put on civvies? I wanted to curl up in pajamas for a few hours before we hit Ilos, and civvies aren't super comfortable. I mean, I hoped it wouldn't freak you out, and I trust you.."

"You're fine Commander, just it's not something I'm used to," the clothes looked soft and were a light pink, something he never could have imagined her in. Shepard gestured him in and shut the door behind him.

"And please Garrus, it's just Shepard. You're one of my closest friends on this ship, no need for formalities. Unless it's like a...turian thing or something," she gave a small smile to him over her shoulder and Garrus' heart picked up, beating incessantly.

"Sorry Shepard, I'm still unused to how human ships are run," he shifts awkwardly as she smiles at him and leans against the wall.

"It's just me honestly, I like to be close to the people I'm fighting with. I don't know, you and Tali both have become my family. And, I trust you a lot Garrus. No one covers my six like you do and I'm glad to have you on board," she stretches her arms and Garrus can't help but see the little flash of skin where her shirt lifts.

"Shepard what's that scar?" He couldn't keep his mouth shut and Shepard gives him a quizzical look.

"Which one?" She asks, looking confused.  Garrus taps his plates where he'd seen the little indent in her stomach. It takes Shepard a moment before she bursts out laughing.

"Oh! That's my bellybutton! All humans have one," Shepard pulls up the soft pink shirt to reveal the little hole in her stomach and before Garrus thinks he's reaching out. But as soon as his brain catches up with his hands, he reels back. "Oh you're fine! Go ahead, just be gentle."

Garrus' eyes widen and he steps closer, his talon running against the small indent curiously. Shepard shivers and there's a light noise, like a laugh. He pulls his hand away and looks at her curiously.

"Sorry I'm ticklish, I, uh, didn't know if I should tell you but..." and then Shepard blushes. Oh, Garrus cannot believe the sight in front of his: his commander, his Shepard, with her fiery red hair mused up in places, eyes soft and full of trust, her pale skin that's covered with the soft fabric. Spirits help him, this deadly warrior who could probably snap his neck with her bare hands, looked absolutely adorable.

"I am not!" Shepard looks mock-affronted and Garrus realizes he'd said that said that last bit aloud. Garrus blushes hard and Shepard laughs, patting his arm gently. "I'm just teasing you Garrus, thank you. I think the last time someone saw me like this was when...before my parents..." The pain flashed over her eyes and Garrus acted immediately on instinct, the need to protect his mate winning over his common sense. He hugs her, pulling her soft figure close to him. And god is she tiny, his arms wrapping around her easily, her face only coming up to his breastplate. Oh, Spirits help him.

Shepard doesn't fight like he expected and instead she melts into his embrace, a relieved breath escaping her lips. The garments she's wearing are even softer then than they looked and Garrus rests his mandible against her soft hair--which was still weird to him--and exhales. 

"You still want to be a Spectre right?" Shepard asks as she loops her arms around his waist. Garrus' breath hitches for a moment but he doesn't say anything, Shepard didn't know enough about turian physiology to know that was an erogenous zone. Or maybe because the rest of him is too wide for her arms. He quickly pushed those thoughts out of his mind though.

"I do, I mean my father--"

"Enough about your father, I'll put in my good word for you. You are a brilliant soldier and you'd make an excellent Spectre," Shepard said, still not letting go of Garrus, and honestly the turian could stand there for the rest of eternity in his tiny human's embrace.

"Thank you Shepard, it means a lot to me," he says, feeling a little sad as Shepard wiggles out of his embrace. But when he looks down at her it's all worth stepping away; her cheeks are red, her hair even more mussed, and the smile on her lips is so beautiful and Garrus wishes he were human so he could kiss her.

"Can I ask a favor of you Garrus?" Shepard asks, her voice so quiet it would probably not be audible to a human.

"Anything Shepard," honestly Garrus couldn't get over how her name sounded on his tongue and how his sounded on when it rolled off her lips.

"Stay with me beofre Ilos. You're really warm and it's been lonely trying to process everything that's been going on around me," as she spoke she lifted her hand so her palm was splayed on his chest. Garrus wondered idly if she feel the thundering of his heart.

"Of course, anything for my best friend," he said softly, and there was a flash of something in Shepard's eyes before she smiled.

"Thank you."

And that's how Garrus spent his time before getting shot through a mass effect relay in the Mako. She curled up into his embrace, face nestled against his neck, warm breath against his skin and hands gripping his cowl. They had to prop up a lot of pillows so Garrus was comfortable and he was only in his last layer of clothes which didn't leave a lot to the imagination. Although if Shepard saw how aroused he was, she didn't mention it. Garrus was mildly thankful.

"We're just friends right?" Garrus started, certain Shepard had fallen asleep. He tried angling his head to see her face but she was nestled in his neck and wouldn't budge. 

"What do you mean Shepard?" Garrus asked, his voice hitching. She shrugged and cuddled closer, her right leg settling between his and her thigh was pressing against his erection. He did his best not to moan as she passed out again. Oh, Spirits guide him. 

 

 

 

Ilos was hell. The protheans, the mass relay, the fight with Saren, the reaper plummeting into the Citadel. And he lost Shepard in the mess and his heart screamed. Garrus couldn't lose her, hell she was practically indestructible. But the medics were holding him back, tending to his wounds. After several long minutes she emerged from under a pile of rubble,  bruised and battered but no worse for wear. His heart almost flew out of his chest and she met his eyes and beamed at him. Oh, oh Spirits save him from this woman.

 

 

 

Later that night Shepard stumbled down into the lower decks where Garrus slept and worked. It was late and everyone else had gone upstairs and he was getting ready to sleep. Tomorrow he would be leaving the Normandy behind. It stung but Shepard would stay in touch and he could become a Spectre, do something great like she did and then maybe he could win her over.

"Garrus!" Shepard called out, arms stretched out with a lopsided grin on her face. Her words were slurred but he couldn't quite process what was happening before he was pulled into the arms of his human. They were both in civvies so there was no awkward clunking of armor.

"Hello Shepard, what can I help you with?" Yep, she was drunk and he could smell the liquor on her breath. 

"I'm going to miss you, big guy," she murmured, pressing her cheek against his chest. He put a hand around her waist and decided to put a hand on her head, Garrus had been so curious about the soft fringe/hair that grew there. Shepard let out a little noise and cuddled closer to him, her hands slipping down to his waist. Oh, oh no. He couldn't help the startled moan that escaped him and he felt mortified. 

But Shepard, oh, she just gripped his hips harder, nails digging into the cloth and putting pressure on the soft skin underneath.

"Shepard I don't recommend doing that," he gasped, his talons tugging on her hair slightly. But Shepard looked up at him and locked eyes and oh, her pupils were blown wide and she had this sultry look about her.

"Why not?" Shepard purred, gripping his hips harder. He could feel his cock slipping through his plates and oh, god this tiny human and her too many digits.

"It's not a good idea Shepard you don't know what you're doing," he growled, his chest rumbling and she just kept looking at him like that.

"I know exactly what I'm doing, I'm no stranger to this. Oh you're so beautiful Garrus. I never once felt anything toward my fellow humans but oh you're so beautiful Garrus," she purred, her voice still slurred.

"What do you mean?" Garrus peeled her off him, looking sternly down at his commander. Shepard squirmed, obviously trying to get back closer to him.

"You're just so beautiful," she purred, licking her lips and grinning up at him. 

"No, what do you mean by 'you're no stranger to this' have you slept with other turians?"  Shepard gave him a sly little grin and all of a sudden he was pushed against the Mako. He forgot how strong she was. 

"Maybe, but I've never felt like this, you're something else. My archangel, my protector, and I  **love** you~" Garrus was so taken aback by her declaration that his arms dropped to his sides--although they hadn't done much holding her. Then, with a wicked smile on her lips she sunk down to her knees.

"Shepard?" His voice cracked as she pulled at the hem of his pants. 

"Do you trust me Garrus?" She asked, looking up at him wide eyes and wet lips.

"Yes," his voice was so strained, what was she doing? And why did he want it? "But you're drunk."

"Liquid courage," she murmured as she yanked down his pants. Garrus hissed as his erection was exposed to the air.

"Oh  _Garrus_ you're already so hard and wet for me," Shepard purred and Garrus made an unintelligible sound. All he could do was look down as his commander, best friend, and crush licked a strip up his cock from the base to the tip. Garrus growled, feeling overwhelmed at the sensation. Shepard looked up from under her eyelashes and met his gaze as she slipped his cock into her mouth, every inch of it with a practiced ease. His talons went to her hair and pulled and Shepard  _moaned_ around his cock. Spirits help him!. Garrus' vision blurred; it was all too much, her warm mouth around his cock, her tongue swirling around the head, the throaty noises she was making.

"I'm going, Shepard,  _Shepard,_  I'm not going to last!" Garrus whined and that only seemed to egg her on as she bobbed faster and just made delicious noises as her spit dripped down her chin and onto his leg. He growled and grabbed her hair, not being able to handle anymore and he just fucked her wet mouth as he came down her throat. She was moaning and opening her mouth wider so she could accommodate his length.

Once he loosened his grasp she pulled her mouth off him with an obscene popping noise.

"Spirits Shepard," he moaned and she grinned wickedly. 

"You've got a big day tomorrow and I have my own issue to fix, so get some sleep," she purred and before Garrus could respond she pressed her soft pink lips against the softer plates of his mouth.  _She was kissing him._ And as she strutted out of the lower deck Garrus was in a daze. Spirits, what was he supposed to make out of that?!

 

 

 

The next morning Shepard avoided him until she had to see him off. Her lips were pursed and her words were measured. She regretted last night. The thought made Garrus' heart plummet. It had been just the liquor. Shepard even had the audacity to walk with him. Once they were in a secluded section of the Citadel, then he whirled on her, grabbing her by the shoulders and pinning her to the wall.

"What the hell Shepard?" He growled, bringing his face level with hers.

"I'm sorry Garrus, I took advantage of you last night," her voice wavered, tears welling up in her eyes.

"That doesn't matter, what the hell did you mean last night?" 

"I didn't want to tell you, I didn't want to be the reason you stayed on the Normandy when you had this going for you! And you deserve better than me, you deserve a nice turian woman. Now get off of me, please Garrus. I have things to do and so do you," Shepard's tears were rolling down her face and Garrus' heart cracked. She'd meant it.  _Liquid courage_. 

"You can't just leave like that," Garrus' voice cracked and Shepard shook her head sadly. 

"I have to. Do this for me, maybe later we can try this for real," and just like last night she pressed her soft lips to his not so soft lip plates and disappeared.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_~They're all around me,  circling like vultures. They wanna break me and wash away my colors (wash away my colors).~_  

Shepard dies over Alchera alone in the vastness of space and running out of air. Garrus swears he feels it before he knows, because suddenly his heart twists and he feels sick. He fears but he cannot believe it. 

But he was delivered the news and attended the funeral. It broke him. He'd found his heart and then it vanished into the nothingness of space.

Garrus couldn't handle the Citadel, the pitying looks and the fact that the Council was trying to write her off. He left to Omega to seek vengeance on those who were not to blame, to try and make the galaxy a better place just like Shepard had.

_My archangel, my protector, and I **love** you._

He would be an avenging angel, righteous and unforgiving.

 

 

 

His team was dead, he was dead, kept only alive stim packs. How much of a fool he was to think he could ever be anything like her. And when he saw her grace the bridge in front of him he knew that death was coming for him and he'd join her to wherever it was everyone went after death. 

And she burst through the door behind him, radiating with life and her hair haloing her face. She was wrong, he wasn't an archangel, she was.

And she was real, she pulled him into a kiss even in front of the Cerberus cronies that were watching her six. Oh she was alive and he would dip into death only minutes later.

 

 

 

 

 

_~Take me high and I'll sing! Oh, you make everything okay, okay, okay ('kay, okay, okay). We are one in the same! Oh, you take all of the pain away, away, away '(way, away, away). Save me, if I become my demons.~_

Garrus awoke later in the medbay of what looked like the Normandy but...different. Dr. Chakwas was there and Garrus was confused, he had taken a gunship missile to the face. He was dead and his heaven was the medbay of Normandy clone.

"Welcome back Garrus, you gave us quite the scare," said a familiar voice but Garrus couldn't place it.

"You're awake!" Another voice, a familiar voice, cried. Someone rushed over and he could only make out fire red hair and piercing emerald eyes.

"Shepard," he said feebly.

"It's alright, big guy, I'm right here, I'm not going any where I promise."

 

 

 

"Cerberus?"  Garrus asked as Shepard curled up in bed with him.

"Yes, I can't believe my luck. I died Garrus but it feels only like yesterday and you've changed so much and I hurt you," she murmured, pressing her cheek against his chest. "I don't know why you're taking me back."

"Because I love you Shepard, I've loved you since we first met. You're my bond mate, and I should've told you sooner but you're human and I'm well, not," Garrus said, running his talons through the soft hair of his lover.

"I love you too. I'm sorry I came to you drunk to tell you that," Shepard murmured, running her palms against his chest plate.

"It's fine Shepard, I enjoyed every moment of it, I was just confused the whole time," Garrus chuckled.

"Well, want to try again?" Shepard asked, looking up at him. 

"What, the thing on the SR1?" He asked, floundering slightly on his words.

"Yea," Shepard purred. "Except now with me sober, and naked."

Garrus moaned at the thought. "Yes, please Shepard."

And she gave him that big glowing smile as she stripped down and Garrus didn't hesitate to shuck off his civvies as well.

"Not as excited this time I see," Shepard teased and Garrus flushed.

"No I--I mean--" Garrus was cut off when Shepard kissed where his cock was hidden just underneath his plates. Oh Spirits, it didn't matter how many turians slept with her before because that practiced tongue was the best thing to grace this galaxy. She even went as far as to kiss down and nip and lick and kiss the inside of his thighs. Oh that's all it took to go from mildly aroused to his cock unsheathing and his subharmonics rumbling.

"Oh man I was too out of it to really remember any detail last time," Shepard purred as she turned her attentions to his cock. It looked so big compared to her small human hands but it felt so good as she gripped it with her hand. Oh, she couldn't get her hand around the whole of his girth. How in Spirits' names did she get that in her mouth last time? Oh, all he could do was growl as she started pumping his cock with her hand and using her mouth the lick at the top of his cock, where it was just before the ridges started.

"Shepard," he growled as she once again took his cock in her mouth. His vision blurred as she bobbed up and down with her mouth, eyes closed and moans sounding in the back of her throat.

Then, just as suddenly as it started, she pulled out. Before he could even get words out she straddled him, gripping at his cowl as she steadied herself above him. He could feel the heat coming off of her sex and he didn't even realize how  **badly** he had wanted this. Yes he'd fantasized but now facing the reality his body was pulsing with need.

"I want you to take me, Vakarian," Shepard growled, her eyes locking with his.

"I don't want to hurt you," Garrus said, looking uncertain.

"Please, mark me, make me ache, make me feel alive. That's an order, Garrus," she growled, moving her hips in a way which caused her slick, wet cunt to slide against the tip of his cock.

And he coldn't help it, between her words and actions he was convinced. He grabbed his human by the waist and growled as he flipped their positions. Shepard was letting out obscene noises as he bent over her. It wasn't the best position for him but being on his knees was better than laying on his back and oh, Shepard, she had her legs spread open and her pupils were blown wide with lust. 

Garrus wanted to tease her, wanted to just kiss and bite at her while she squirmed under him but Shepard had different ideas. She moved so her ankles were hooked around his waist, practically telling himself to fuck her.

And how could he say no?

Garrus removed his grip from her wrists and sat up so he was on his knees. His talons moved to her hips and she moaned, hips bucking up and head leaning into her pillow. Spirits she was beautiful.

"Please Garrus, oh please, Gods Garrus just fuck me please!" Oh, those words sounded so beautiful on her lips and his cock was aching and how could he say no? He couldn't. With a growl he lined himself up with her opening and started easing in. Spirits she was so small and Garrus was worried she wouldn't be able to accommodate him. Oh how wrong he was. He got the first inch in before the ridges and he could already feel how wet and warm and welcoming she felt. Her skin was already shining with sweat and she was making the most delicious noises. Garrus wanted to go faster but he wanted to get every inch of himself inside of his lover before getting that far. He kept going, easing himself in and he was shocked at how he could  _stretch_ her, how it felt around his cock. His vision blurred as he managed to get himself inside of her, the heat of her walls almost too much. Shepard was mewling and begging for him but Garrus could barely process the words as he adjusted, his cock throbbing hard and thick inside of her.

"Please," she whined, hips bucking. 

"I don't want to lose control Shepard, I could scar you, I might--"

"Garrus fucking Vakarian I demand you fuck me as hard as you damn well please. I demand that you make me sore and achy in the morning. I want to  **see**  the marks you've left on me. Make me yours Mr. Vakarian or so help me," her voice was dark and oh hearing her say those things. "Please, I might be human but you won't break me, I trust you."

With a growl, Garrus gripped harder on Shepard's hips and she cried out his name. He could feel the warm blood on his talons but the way she wailed for him only made him ache more for her. As slowly as he could manage he pulled out almost entirely out his lover then held it, only the tip of his cock inside of her. Shepard looked up to glare at him and it's when they made eye contact that Garrus slammed into her with as much force as he could manage. Shepard screamed out his name and he could feel her cunt tightening around him but he couldn't stop now, she felt so good around him. 

With each stroke he pulled nearly out before ramming back in. Shepard was making beautiful noises when her lips, her body sweating and shaking under his as he showed no mercy. And when he came Shepard was panting.

"Damn, done already? I only came once," Shepard teased, looking fully satisfied as he emptied inside of her.

"I'm not done yet Shepard, you left me hanging in the SR1, my body isn't built for just one orgasm, we have three testicles for a reason," Garrus said, looking slightly confused. "Do humans only go once?"

"Fuck Garrus you're so perfect!"

"I thought you'd been with other turians," Garrus teased, pushing his cock against the back of her walls. Shepard whined and gripped the sheets.

"Yes, but no. Never sex," Garrus grinned, pride swelling up his chest.

"Oh, then I better not disappoint," Garrus growled. It looked like Shepard was going to argue but his cock was aching for more and before she could say anything he picked back up his precious rhythm. He was going to make damn sure Shepard felt him in the morning.

 

 

 

Shepard was pacing the battery and Garrus could feel the stress radiating off of her. They'd cobbled together a great team but he knew what was wrong. That confrontation with Ashley was brutal and he could see the guilt and worry written all over her face.

"I'm worried I"m not  **me**  Garrus. I'm worried I'm just a robot pretending to be Shepard. I'm scared Garrus," Shepard whimpered, refusing to stop pacing even when Garrus tried grabbing her.

"You're not a robot Shepard any more than I'm an asari. Please, come here Shepard," Garrus said, opening his arms, hoping to coax his panicked lover into his embrace.

"I just I can hear the machinery in my head sometimes and my scars glow and oh Garrus I can feel my cybernetics," Shepard howled, tears rolling down her cheeks. Garrus didn't know what to do and was helpless to help the one person he cared about in this universe. There was nothing he could do to console her and Garrus hated the feeling.

 

 

 

 

 

_~I cannot stop this sickness taking over. It takes control and drags me into nowhere. I need your help, I can't fight this forever. I know you're watching, I can feel you out there.~_

The mission with Sindonis was a mess and Garrus was so angry with Shepard. How dare she get in the way! How dare she talk to him like that. He'd shoved her away and stalked to the battery to brood.

"Garrus?" EDI's voice called over his com.

"What?" He groaned, not feeling like talking with the AI. 

"It's Shepard," was all the AI said and it was all it took for Garrus to bolt to the elevator and up to the quarter's of his lover.

The door was red, locked, but it was not hard to decrypt. Only a minute and he was in. There was blood smeared on the fish tank, a handprint visible, blood on the walls and the model ships Shepard loved to collect were snapped and blood was all over the desk. His heart sunk and Shepard was no where to be found.

Then the scream ripped through his soul.

The bathroom.

"SHEPARD!" Garrus cried, pounding on the door to the bathroom. This one was not only locked but bared like she'd broken the door itself to seal herself in.

"GO AWAY! I NEED TO DO THIS!" Shepard yelled back.

"Do what?! What do you need to do?"

"I need to cut the robot out of me. I have to know if there's any of me left Garrus. I don't want to be a robot. I want to be the Shepard that loves you, the Shepard that's human and not a synthetic," Shepard wailed, and there was another scream.

Garrus had to do something. He had to get this door open. He could almost pull it open but that would take too long. The door itself was easy to unlock but it was jammed. Through the sound of metal and Garrus' heavy breathing he could hear Shepard's sobs.

"Let me help you Shepard! Let me help get the robot out," Garrus pleaded, knowing he wouldn't be able to get into the bathroom in time.

"It's something I have to do myself Garrus I'm sorry," Shepard sobbed as Garrus continued to fight with the door.

In desperation Garrus kicked and punched and lunged at the door. He needed in.

"Please Shepard," he panted. "Please, please."

And he finally couldn't work anymore. His body ached and he slumped to the floor with his back to the door.

"I'm sorry Garrus."

"Shepard, I have something very important to show you, please let me in. It'll help, I promise," his voice was cracking and his body ached.

There was a long, stifling silence.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

The door finally gave in and Garrus couldn't help the gasp that escaped him. There was blood all over but no marks on her body. The cybernetics. There was a giant knife on the floor of the bathroom and what looked like chunks of her own flesh.

"The robot won't let me find it," Shepard said weakly, her face smeared with blood.

"I have something just like you Shepard," Garrus softly, his hands reaching up and peeling off the bandage off his mandible.

"Garrus," Shepard exhaled, bloody hand reaching up to touch. It hurt but he didn't wince.

"It's just like you Shepard but I'm still the turian you love, right?"

"Yea," her voice was growing weak and she was shaking. Blood loss, shit.

Garrus called for Chakwas as Shepard collapsed in his arms.

He begged to the Spirits to make sure Shepard would be fine. He couldn't lose her again. 

 

 

 

 

 

_~Take me high and I'll sing! Oh, you make everything okay, okay, okay ('kay, okay, okay). We are one in the same! Oh, you take all of the pain away, away, away '(way, away, away). Save me, if I become my demons.~_

Shepard was fine physically, but her psyche was broken into shards. While she was bedridden she tried to name Garrus XO but he refused to take the title. He had needed to be here for her and Shepard couldn't make him budge on that. He needed to help with her recovery. 

"I'm too tired for your turian stubbornness," Shepard grumbled, hands tracing his now bandage free mandible. Garrus needed to repaint it but he just didn't have the time, not with everything going on. But because she insisted that he be the one to take over he only shook his head and followed through with her orders.

 

 

 

Garrus held his lover in his arms, feeling worn out from the past month. Things had gotten better, Chakwas had put him in charge of Shepard's medications and he'd spent all his nights holding her. Nightmares seemed far in few now and Shepard was back to kicking ass. It was so nice for her to be back in the position of Commander again and he was on her six as usual. Her smile slowly returned and she had gotten the scars patched up by Chakwas which seemed to really help with her anxiety. It made Garrus' heart sing that his love was getting better.

"What cha thinking about?" Shepard murmured, hands tracing patterns on his chest plate.

"How you're great and managed to get a turian bed in your cabins for me," Garrus laughed, nestling closer to her.

"It's really comfy, like a bean bag," she smiled, shrugging.

"Bean bag?"

"A very old earth thing," Shepard said softly before grabbing his cowl and pulling him down for a kiss.

 

 

 

"What do you mean I can't come with you on shore leave?" Garrus looked wounded and Shepard only raised an eyebrow at him.

"You can't, that's that. Sorry big guy, go find some guns to grab but me and Chakwas have important things to get and you can't be part of it," Shepard said, obviously not amused with his behavior.

"Just be safe Shepard," Garrus said softly as he cupped her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers.

"I will, promise."

 

 

 

Instead of going on shore leave Garrus just paced their cabin, trying to think of what Shepard was hiding. I mean, it had to be important right if she was taking a doctor with her and leaving Garrus alone.

Thankfully Shepard returns before he completely loses his mind. She's got a featureless paper bag and a huge grin on her face.

"What's that?" Garrus asked, looking at her curiously.

"Mmmm, a surprise," Shepard said softly, setting the bag down by the stairs and wrapping her arms around his hips.

"What kind of surprise?" Garrus asks, trying to read Shepard's expression.

"The kind you have to close your eyes for," Shepard said, using her weight and her grip on him to push him onto the bed. He fell back as she let go and grinned at him.

"Shepard," he whined, trying to look affronted.

"Ah, quiet down you big baby and close your eyes," Shepard instructed, using her best commander voice on him. Garrus only chuckled and humored his little human.

"Fine but this better be good," Garrus teased as Shepard rooted around in the bag. He was itching to know what she was going to do but Shepard was just as stubborn as he was and he just wanted to get to the good part.

After a few minutes Shepard settled between his legs and started humming. The tune she was humming was definitely from Palaven, he could tell because it was a song his mother song when he was younger.

Then, when something brushed against his face he stilled. Was she doing what he thought she was doing? Oh, Spirits guide him if that was the case. He could feel the familiar pangs and strokes of his colony marks being painted on. Shepard was being so careful as though she was afraid of messing up. But just the thought that his little human was painting his marks back on for him was too great.

"Done," Shepard said after a long while of her humming and Garrus' silence. "You can open your eyes now."

"Shepard," Garrus rasped, feeling emotion bubbling up in his chest. "Thank you."

"Of course big guy, looked like they needed touching up anyway," Shepard said softly, kissing his forehead with those soft familiar lips. 

 

 

 

Later, looking in the mirror, he was so proud of his Shepard. She'd done perfectly; his markings hadn't looked this stunning in years.

 

 

 

 

 

_~Take me over, the walls below. Fly forever, don't let me go! I need a savior, to heal my pain when I become my worst enemy. The enemy.~_

The collector base was one of the most terrifying things Garrus has ever encountered. Shepard gave orders and they managed to successfully seize the ship with no casualties. But then came the reaper that had been in progress. Garrus retracted his early statement and applied it to this abomination in front of him.

Fuck this whole thing, honestly.

 

 

 

They'd made it out, they blew the ship into a billion different pieces and escaped the center of the Milky Way.  Garrus celebrated in the company of his lover. They drank together, reminisced on old times, and kissed like there was nothing else that matter. Honestly, nothing mattered more to Garrus than the human clinging to him as though he was all she needed.

"I love you Shepard," he purred, pressing his forehead against hers.

"I love you too Garrus," she responded, a smile tugging on her lips and her eyes fluttering shut. 

He wished he could stay there forever.

 

 

 

The council grounded the ship and put Shepard under house arrest. Garrus had no other choice than to return to Palaven and it broke his heart to leave her again. Stupid council, getting in the way of his plans.

Garrus could feel the weight of ring in his pocket. He had had it all planned out and now he had to return to his home planet still only Shepard's boyfriend. He wanted to be more, she deserved more.

 

 

 

When the reapers came all he could think of was Shepard. His heart was constantly twisting as he protected Menae. Shepard was just as mortal as he was and that scared him. He couldn't lose the light of his life now. Now with hell raining down on them. The galaxy needed her,  **he** needed her.

 

 

 

It was almost like Omega again when Shepard showed up in the middle of the firefight on Menae. Why Garrus thought she wouldn't come find him again was beyond him. He was stupid sometimes but she kissed him shamelessly in front of everyone and he didn't care. This was the other half of his heart and no one could take that away from him.

 

 

 

Garrus was certain Shepard would just eat him alive here and now. Once he'd gotten back onto the ship she drug him to the battery and started kissing him with a hunger unlike anything he's experienced in their relationship. Then, after pulling away, she gave him a curious look. 

"Can you turn off your translator by any chance?" Shepard asked, looking up at him with expectant eyes. Garrus gave her a confused look and Shepard only laughed.

"What for?"

"Trust me!" Shepard said, looping her arms around his neck and kissing up his scarred mandible. 

"Fine,"  Garrus turned off his translator and made that gesture that humans did--what did Shepard call it? A thumbs up?

Shepard smiled and cupped Garrus' face in her hands as best she could. " _I love you_." And Garrus' eyes widened. He moved to turn his translator on but Shepard batted his hands away before turning hers off.

" _Yes, I learned your language. I actually had a guard that was more than happy to help. I've spent the past six months soaking it up. It's not far from my native tongue,_ " Shepard sounded so beautiful when she spoke in his language and his heart was singing.

" _Well I can help you learn too,"_ Garrus said, making sure to speak as slowly as Shepard.

" _Sounds like a date,_ " Shepard responded before leaning up to kiss him again.

 

 

 

Shepard has been wearing her helmet around the Normandy for the past month. When Garrus asks about it to someone else on the ship they just shrug. In bed Shepard has taken to putting a blindfold around his eyes. Snuggles are difficult but Shepard is insistent on whatever she's doing. However Garrus wasn't going to lie it was bothering him and he kept begging Shepard to tell him what was going on.

"You love me right?" She asked in response to his whining. They were just hours away from landing on Earth and Garrus' just wanted his lover.

"I do! Shepard you know I do! I couldn't love anyone else even if I wanted to."

"What would your answer be if I asked you to marry me?" The question hit Garrus hard and he floundered with his words for a moment before collecting himself.

"I would say yes, Spirits Shepard what does that have to do with anything? What's going on?!" Garrus felt the ring that he'd been keeping in his pocket for months, not sure how to approach Shepard with the question when the reapers were upon them.

Shepard was silent for a moment before untying the blindfold from Garrus' eyes. 

His heart about burst, his breath leaving his lungs.

Shepard was wearing his clan markings. He reached up and ran the back of his talon across the thick line under the bottom right eye. Her emerald eyes and fiery hair complimented the colors on her face so well.

"Shepard," he breathed, unable to form actual sentences.

"They're permanent. I had them tattooed on. Even if you said no I would be married to you for as long as I live. There's no one else in the universe for me. There's no Shepard without Vakarian."

Garrus smiled and pulled the custom ring out of his pocket. Shepard gasped and pulled him close, kissing his face and neck and whispering sweet nothing in his mother tongue.

 

 

 

 

_~Take me high and I'll sing! Oh, you make everything okay, okay, okay ('kay, okay, okay). We are one in the same! Oh, you take all of the pain away, away, away '(way, away, away). Save me, if I become my demons.~_

He'd lost her again. He hadn't been enough. She let go as she ran toward the beacon. He'd let himself get dragged away from her. He watched everything fall apart and the reapers collapse and EDI flicker out of existence.  But his love was on Earth and his heart sank into his chest. He just wanted his love to come home.

 

 

 

They found her in a pile of rubble, barely alive, barely breathing. It was months before Garrus heard anything. He'd been helping to rebuild Palaven the moon. He used the work to get his mind off the other half of his heart. His father grieved for the loss of his wife and Garrus grieved for the loss of his mother and his soul. He just wanted her to come home to him.

Hearing the news that she was at least in a hospital was the best news he'd heard in a long time. Garrus left for the hospital as soon as possible.

 

 

Shepard looked frail laying in bed with all the tubes connected to her body. The said she was in a coma, that they didn't know if she'd ever wake up. Garrus stayed by her side, holding her hand and telling her stories. After two months he had to start building Palaven but had Shepard moved to a closer hospital. The transfer was a success and Shepard still slept between death and life.

 

 

 

"If she doesn't wake up in the next week we'll have to cut life support, I'm sorry Mr. Vakarian," the doctor said with a grim expression on his face. Garrus nodded, not trusting his words to work. He didn't want to lose her but she'd been under for a half a year, they couldn't keep her body alive forever if she wouldn't fight to get home.

 

 

 

"Shepard I need you to come home. I need you to come back to me. Your retirement will buy us a whole damn planet and we can be together. No reapers, no politics, just us. Hell, we could even start a family. One little human baby and a little turian baby," day one of seven and Garrus felt hope. He had to feel hope because the alternative wasn't something he was ready to deal with.

 

 

 

"I found a place, it's not too warm and it's not too hot. It's pretty colonized and there's some beautiful places. Shepard, we could have a beautiful wedding too, we could mix our cultures and it'd be so beautiful. You are my fiancée and you deserve the most beautiful wedding. After all you saved the whole damn universe," day two of seven, and Garrus hadn't left her side.

 

 

 

"We could have a pet varren even. I know how much you loved the one on Tuchanka. We could name it Wrex even. Would you like that Shepard?" Day three of seven and still no response from his tiny human. He wouldn't give up, nothing could take this away from him again.

 

 

 

"Happy two year anniversary. I don't remember the exact date but we got together right about this time of year and today just feels like it. This is the day we got engaged. I mean, by my culture's traditions we already are married but yours is a little different. It's fine by me though, if you weren't different you wouldn't be the Shepard I know and love," day four and Garrus was getting worried, he couldn't lie to himself much longer.

 

 

 

"Garrus?" A voice calls out and there's pressure on his hand. Garrus grumbles, stirring as he wakes from sleep. He couldn't have been out that long as it was still dark.

"Garrus that's you right?" A feeble voices asks and it clicks. The turian starts and sleep immediately melts off; he's wide awake in seconds.

"Shepard?!" He gasps, trying to focus his eyes in the dark.

"Yea," her voice is a little weak but by the Spirits she's awake.

"Oh Shepard," Garrus crooned, kissing the back of her hand. "I've waited so long for this. I've been waiting months and here you are."

"And I'm not going anywhere, never. I'm retiring as of right now," he can hear the smile in Shepard's voice and he calls for the nurses, his heart light in his chest.

 

 

 

While she's recovering Garrus finishes the paper work and buys the house he'd had his eyes on. Shepard's retirement covers the hospital bills, the house, and then sits in the bank promising an easy life for the two galaxy-weary soldiers. Shepard rejects the offer of cybernetics and prosthetics and Garrus backs her up, remembering the panic he had in the bathroom of the SR2. Never again.

"I'll live without a damn leg! Now leave me alone," she shouted as she shooed the doctors from her bedside. Garrus grinned as she looked proud of her accomplishment.

"Don't worry, we'll get a really cool wheelchair and the house will have ramps so I can just push you around," Garrus promised, holding her hand in his.

"Good, we can put stickers on it," Shepard said, smiling softly.

"Yea we can," Garrus said as he rested his forehead against hers.

 

 

 

 

 

_~Take me high and I'll sing! Oh, you make everything okay, okay, okay ('kay, okay, okay). We are one in the same! Oh, you take all of the pain away, away, away '(way, away, away). Save me, if I become my demons.~_

Shepard heals quickly and soon enough Garrus is allowed to take her home. While Digeris was a turian planet, Shepard was welcomed openly. Garrus was surprised at how fluid his wife had become with the turian language. It was nice to hear her speak his own tongue and it was also nice to see the shock on the face of turian's who talked to her. Garrus couldn't help but feel proud.

"I can't believe you put this all together for me. It's so spacious and the view is beautiful!" Shepard says one night when she's curled up in bed. Sometimes she'll use her detachable leg to get around, other times the wheelchair. Garrus made a cooing sound and pulled his lover closer.

"I'd do so many things for you Shepard, you're the love of my life and as long as you're happy, I'm happy."

"Do you think we could start a family after things settle down? After everything is pretty rebuilt?" Shepard asks, her voice soft and uncertain.

"I think we could. I think we could find a scientist that could somehow give the kiddos both of our looks. We could do the human thing and then we can also get a little egg and they would probably be born around the same time," Garrus said, running his fingers through Shepard's hair.

"I would like that," she said softly as she cuddled closer to Garrus. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_~Take me high and I'll sing! Oh, you make everything okay, okay, okay ('kay, okay, okay). We are one in the same! Oh, you take all of the pain away, away, away '(way, away, away). Save me, if I become my demons.~_

Garrus watching with amusement as Maesia and Leslie ran around squealing at each other. He couldn't believe it, ten years after all the dust and settled and him and Shepard had a little family, one healthy baby turian girl ad one healthy baby human girl; and even better the two were inseparable. Maesia, the turian child, had brilliant emerald eyes like her mother and the skin color of her father. Leslie, the human child, had brilliant blue eyes, fiery red hair, and a smile that lit up Garrus' heart. 

The two were born only days apart with no complications. And Garrus was a father, with compliments coming from all angles and his father even coming over to visit his grandchildren. Although Garrus was hesitant at first about the relationship that Shepard and his father would have, it turned out Shepard impressed even the most un-impressiable man. But honestly he shouldn't be surprised, Shepard made everyone like her. 

"Oh no!" Shepard cried out in mock terror as the girls grabbed to either leg of their mother as she came out of the bedroom. His wife had been taking more to her detachable leg because it made taking care of the kids easier but also they loved the idea that their mom could take off her own leg. 

"Looks like the little rascals got you," Garrus teased, rising from the couch and grinning.

"I guess so," she beamed, scooping up both kids in her arms. They squealed with joy as their mother showered them in kisses. Both kids were barely over three and to just think of all the years Garrus had with his little family. After all the possible things that have happened this was what he was rewarded with. It was worth it, all of it, all of the pain just to see the shine in Shepard's eyes as she cradled his--their--children in her arms.

Oh, this next five decades was going to be wonderful. From soldier to mother, to lover to wife, Shepard played all the roles and it melted his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just draft one and I spent almost 12 hours writing this and wanted it at least out there. I plan on thickening out certain segments.


End file.
